Idols are cruel.

Idolatry is the greatest evil a person can commit. It is a direct offense against who God is, and it does great harm to ourselves.

Idols offer pleasure and power, but only temporary and at a great cost.

To receive blessings, Canaanites sacrificed their children to Moloch by burning them alive.
To receive a quick pleasure, people destroy the temple of God for a one night stand.
To receive power, people destroy each other for Mammon.

The real God is merciful. His blessings cost us nothing (in the sense that we don't have to sacrifice to Him first to receive blessings), but costed Him His beloved Son,

His benefits are everlasting, those who go to Him through Jesus will by no means be cast out, reconciled sinners will never become enemies, no power in the universe can pluck the Christian from the love of God.

Moloch, immoral sex, and Mammon will be done away with, so will the temporary benefits they give. What is reaped from worshiping these gods is eternity under the wrath of God, this is a great cruelty to trade temporary pleasure for your soul.

Of course, these gods will never tell you that. Some are demons who love to lie, others have no mouths to speak.

Believing and obeying.

I was perplexed and puzzled for the longest time on faith and works.

For the longest time I was confused about what real faith is, and what it means to be saved apart from works.

So passages like Ephesians 2:8 and James 1:19-24, 2:8-6 made me really suspicious of the trustworthiness of  scripture.

The fault is not with scripture, but me.

I was denying the need for response to God's word, both my view of grace and works was twisted.

Grace was twisted to be throw up my hands and let God do everything. When I do good, it's God's honor, when I sin, it's God's fault. (Do you know what's wrong with this kind of mindset?)

Works was twisted to include repentance. I thought repentance was no different than trying hard to not sin, and morally perfecting myself. What I was doing was denying aspects of my life that are sins (If I just watched porn this time, it's ok, God'll understand and forgive if I ask later.), and denying my need to stop.

But God was good to me, even though I was so confused and going coocoo in the head, He didn't leave me to perish in my stupid thoughts. I eventually realized that repentance starts with recognizing my sins, and faith starts with recognizing the sufficiency of Christ's righteous life, His finished work on the cross for a double transfer (my sin debt for his righteous blessing), and his resurrection for hope in the future resurrection of the saints.

Whoever I trust, I listen to. So there comes works that are according to the Law of Christ.

I hope this is helpful to whoever is reading this that are going through the same thing.