Will of God: Rejoice always

Heard a story about St.Francis.

One day he was walking back to church in a snow storm with a brother.
He asks his brother, "If I preached a sermon today and many are converted, should I rejoice?"
His brother says, "Of course."
Francis answers, "No, no, I shouldn't rejoice."

"But if we arrive at our church and knock, but no one answers, yet we knock again, but our brothers come at us with sticks and beat us, if then we are still able to rejoice, then that is true joy that comes from God."

Things I need

When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

I lack trust in people and it displeases God. My nature is to measure myself with the short stick and put the long stick to others. Always trying to figure out if another person is a Christian by their small faults and blunders.

I really need Jesus to transform my heart and nature. Give me your heart to love, to accept all and to always trust. Let me not ask "Lord, what about him?" but "Lord, what about me?"

What should man do

I've been reflecting a lot lately. I was at a point of being lost and almost burning out. But praise God, he made me suffer and abandon even good things to desire him.

I was really bugged by the lack of strength in my life. I don't know how to put it into words, but to put it simply it's a mismatch between what I want to do with what I am able to do.

It's a complex paradox within myself.
I want to do more evangelism, but fear grips me.
I want to be more honest and open with people, but fear of offending them grips me.
I want to encourage others more and spend more time building relationships, but laziness and fear stops me from doing so.

I am constantly at war with myself. And it's excruciatingly painful. I wanted to die.
But through all this pain God reminded me these things are good but not the best.
The nemesis of what is the best is at times what is good.
I was focused on doing and not being.
I neglected prayer and eating God's word.
I was trying to use my own intellects to figure out what God's word meant.

But what God desires is not what I do but a pure heart to seek him and to embrace him.
Jesus is the best.
I need to feast on him everyday like bread.
Forget about what I do and not do. I just want a pure heart to see my spiritual poverty and the immeasurable riches in Christ.

On sin.

Sin has been on my mind a lot recently. Especially experiencing more of my own throughout this term.

Sin, Greek archery term meaning missing the mark.
Sin, it is part of human nature. Everybody has it, nobody likes it, let alone wanting to admit they are sinners.
Sin, falling short of God's glory. Not due to actions, but passed down from generation to generation.
Sin, our impatience, envy, cruelty, selfishness, laziness, deceitful motives, lies, lack of trust, critical attitude, making our hearts hard and cold, imprisoning us. We are prisoners awaiting a death sentence.

The root cause of this sickness is our rebellion towards God. Blessed are those who realize this brokenness and mourn. Pitiful are those who are blind to their own sin, thinking they are perfect and healthy.

A Christian confesses his/her own sin before God and embraces Christ through grace. Not bringing their own deeds or performance to Christ, but holds on to Him with their dear life.

Blessed are you if you realize your spiritual poverty. For Christ is all you have, and the kingdom of heaven is yours.