Nothing is in my control, and it's magnificent!

I was such a little coward.

When I grew up, I was never the bravest kid. I was basically a goody two shoes who always listened to my teacher and parents, or so it seemed. I was living a life looking at the eyes and emotions of other people, because from all the years of yelling from my parents, I got really scared of being punished. So I tried my best to appear good. But it was all in vain. As Jesus says I was just a beautiful tomb. Dead on the inside.

As I became older, my relationships with people got really messed up. Trying to be good in front of others caused me to become really anxious about what others thought of me, I was never able to speak the truth to people or admit my mistakes. My relationship with my parents, especially my dad was estranged. I screamed at him. It was a mess, I was so prideful and hurt and hiding it. Yet sometimes it would explode in fits of rage.

But Jesus saved me! Although I still struggle with seeking men's approval, and building a relationship with others, I no longer have to be afraid of my sins and mistakes, because Jesus died for me and he is my advocate with God. He freed me from sin's power and a guilty conscious.

Even though my circumstances are not in my control, it is a magnificent truth to behold. Because God is in control, and he works all things out for the good of those who love him. Day by day, he is my strength to overcome my fears and anxiety. Hallelujah, praise the Lord!