Heard a story about St.Francis.
One day he was walking back to church in a snow storm with a brother.
He asks his brother, "If I preached a sermon today and many are converted, should I rejoice?"
His brother says, "Of course."
Francis answers, "No, no, I shouldn't rejoice."
"But if we arrive at our church and knock, but no one answers, yet we knock again, but our brothers come at us with sticks and beat us, if then we are still able to rejoice, then that is true joy that comes from God."
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Things I need
When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”
I lack trust in people and it displeases God. My nature is to measure myself with the short stick and put the long stick to others. Always trying to figure out if another person is a Christian by their small faults and blunders.
I really need Jesus to transform my heart and nature. Give me your heart to love, to accept all and to always trust. Let me not ask "Lord, what about him?" but "Lord, what about me?"
I lack trust in people and it displeases God. My nature is to measure myself with the short stick and put the long stick to others. Always trying to figure out if another person is a Christian by their small faults and blunders.
I really need Jesus to transform my heart and nature. Give me your heart to love, to accept all and to always trust. Let me not ask "Lord, what about him?" but "Lord, what about me?"
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
What should man do
I've been reflecting a lot lately. I was at a point of being lost and almost burning out. But praise God, he made me suffer and abandon even good things to desire him.
I was really bugged by the lack of strength in my life. I don't know how to put it into words, but to put it simply it's a mismatch between what I want to do with what I am able to do.
It's a complex paradox within myself.
I want to do more evangelism, but fear grips me.
I want to be more honest and open with people, but fear of offending them grips me.
I want to encourage others more and spend more time building relationships, but laziness and fear stops me from doing so.
I am constantly at war with myself. And it's excruciatingly painful. I wanted to die.
But through all this pain God reminded me these things are good but not the best.
The nemesis of what is the best is at times what is good.
I was focused on doing and not being.
I neglected prayer and eating God's word.
I was trying to use my own intellects to figure out what God's word meant.
But what God desires is not what I do but a pure heart to seek him and to embrace him.
Jesus is the best.
I need to feast on him everyday like bread.
Forget about what I do and not do. I just want a pure heart to see my spiritual poverty and the immeasurable riches in Christ.
I was really bugged by the lack of strength in my life. I don't know how to put it into words, but to put it simply it's a mismatch between what I want to do with what I am able to do.
It's a complex paradox within myself.
I want to do more evangelism, but fear grips me.
I want to be more honest and open with people, but fear of offending them grips me.
I want to encourage others more and spend more time building relationships, but laziness and fear stops me from doing so.
I am constantly at war with myself. And it's excruciatingly painful. I wanted to die.
But through all this pain God reminded me these things are good but not the best.
The nemesis of what is the best is at times what is good.
I was focused on doing and not being.
I neglected prayer and eating God's word.
I was trying to use my own intellects to figure out what God's word meant.
But what God desires is not what I do but a pure heart to seek him and to embrace him.
Jesus is the best.
I need to feast on him everyday like bread.
Forget about what I do and not do. I just want a pure heart to see my spiritual poverty and the immeasurable riches in Christ.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
On sin.
Sin has been on my mind a lot recently. Especially experiencing more of my own throughout this term.
Sin, Greek archery term meaning missing the mark.
Sin, it is part of human nature. Everybody has it, nobody likes it, let alone wanting to admit they are sinners.
Sin, falling short of God's glory. Not due to actions, but passed down from generation to generation.
Sin, our impatience, envy, cruelty, selfishness, laziness, deceitful motives, lies, lack of trust, critical attitude, making our hearts hard and cold, imprisoning us. We are prisoners awaiting a death sentence.
The root cause of this sickness is our rebellion towards God. Blessed are those who realize this brokenness and mourn. Pitiful are those who are blind to their own sin, thinking they are perfect and healthy.
A Christian confesses his/her own sin before God and embraces Christ through grace. Not bringing their own deeds or performance to Christ, but holds on to Him with their dear life.
Blessed are you if you realize your spiritual poverty. For Christ is all you have, and the kingdom of heaven is yours.
Sin, Greek archery term meaning missing the mark.
Sin, it is part of human nature. Everybody has it, nobody likes it, let alone wanting to admit they are sinners.
Sin, falling short of God's glory. Not due to actions, but passed down from generation to generation.
Sin, our impatience, envy, cruelty, selfishness, laziness, deceitful motives, lies, lack of trust, critical attitude, making our hearts hard and cold, imprisoning us. We are prisoners awaiting a death sentence.
The root cause of this sickness is our rebellion towards God. Blessed are those who realize this brokenness and mourn. Pitiful are those who are blind to their own sin, thinking they are perfect and healthy.
A Christian confesses his/her own sin before God and embraces Christ through grace. Not bringing their own deeds or performance to Christ, but holds on to Him with their dear life.
Blessed are you if you realize your spiritual poverty. For Christ is all you have, and the kingdom of heaven is yours.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Let me embrace thee.
Today was a good reminder of what’s essential in life and what is not.
Character and my being is essential, what I do is not
Love is essential, obeying rules is not, ministry is not.
But grace does not contradict discipline.
Legalism has to do with motive and what our salvation is based upon, not all doing and following/obeying of rules is legalism. Or else Christ died for no purpose.
I want to be more like you my Lord and Savior. It is so hard to love like you, I need you to love like you. Please please help me. Let me be like the whore who wipes your feet, be like Peter who embraces you despite being a sinner and denying you.
Help me to abandon all for the purpose of knowing you, my life, my bread, my truth, my light, my way, my all.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Who is blind like the Lord's servant?
Just read Isaiah 42 again. Verses 19 and 20 are very sobering and profound.
I am near sighted and lack understanding.
My wisdom cannot solve the suffering and pain of this world.
haha, I already have enough trouble fighting against my own flesh.
As the Lord's servant, we are blind. We are deaf.
But the beautiful thing is that He uses the blind and deaf to accomplish His purposes.
That is glorious. I am at peace.
I am near sighted and lack understanding.
My wisdom cannot solve the suffering and pain of this world.
haha, I already have enough trouble fighting against my own flesh.
As the Lord's servant, we are blind. We are deaf.
But the beautiful thing is that He uses the blind and deaf to accomplish His purposes.
That is glorious. I am at peace.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Joylessness
Where did all the joy go as people grow up?
As a child we enjoyed life.
When we grew up there seems to be less and less reason to smile and laugh, to have fun and enjoy life.
"So I hated life, for the work which had been done under the sun was grievous to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind."
This could not be a more accurate description of how I feel. School sucks, ministry sucks, life sucks, there is barely any time to spend with friends, I don't know how to have fun, and it's so damn discouraging not seeing people's lives transformed. Everything just sucks the life out of you.
Where did the joy go God?
As a child we enjoyed life.
When we grew up there seems to be less and less reason to smile and laugh, to have fun and enjoy life.
"So I hated life, for the work which had been done under the sun was grievous to me; because everything is futility and striving after wind."
This could not be a more accurate description of how I feel. School sucks, ministry sucks, life sucks, there is barely any time to spend with friends, I don't know how to have fun, and it's so damn discouraging not seeing people's lives transformed. Everything just sucks the life out of you.
Where did the joy go God?
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Holding onto God's promise in real life
I read on a pastor's blog an observation. That when reading God's word, especially those super awesome exciting promises of the coming Kingdom, of a world with out pain, of eternal life and boundless hope, moments like those makes me feel like I'm already in paradise! But when I put down the bible and get back to real life, I am reminded of all the crap. Financial debt, broken family, constantly struggling with myself emotionally, struggling to love other people, struggling with critical attitude and bitterness towards some people... man, how does God's promises translate into real life? Why the disconnect?
Have mercy on me, for I am one of unclean heart and small faith
Yesterday I was reading Philipians 3 where Paul talks about how he suffered the loss of all things to make Christ his ultimate treasure.
Today as I went to Tim Hortons I saw an old man cursing at nobody by the library. I had the urge to go and talk to him, but was too afraid. My steps felt heavier and heavier as I walked away, head bowed low and trying not to look at him.
As I walked away, feeling guilty, I thought, man I know the gospel, and the old man needs to know God's love, it is my responsibility. Then I started to question myself, why am I afraid? I had to acknowledge the truth that I have not suffered the loss of all things. I still place my own reputation above the need for people to know God, the fear of being humiliated still overcomes my faith in God.
It was an humbling experience. I need God's mercy. I am one of small faith.
Today as I went to Tim Hortons I saw an old man cursing at nobody by the library. I had the urge to go and talk to him, but was too afraid. My steps felt heavier and heavier as I walked away, head bowed low and trying not to look at him.
As I walked away, feeling guilty, I thought, man I know the gospel, and the old man needs to know God's love, it is my responsibility. Then I started to question myself, why am I afraid? I had to acknowledge the truth that I have not suffered the loss of all things. I still place my own reputation above the need for people to know God, the fear of being humiliated still overcomes my faith in God.
It was an humbling experience. I need God's mercy. I am one of small faith.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Forget about your calling!
Forget about trying to figure out your calling in life! Is it not used mostly as an excuse for disobedience?
Go read the Bible. Your calling is made plain and clear.
No more excuses. To love is to obey.
Go out into the world.
Let God's light shine.
Go read the Bible. Your calling is made plain and clear.
No more excuses. To love is to obey.
Go out into the world.
Let God's light shine.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Freedom
I long to be free.
To see the open clear sky,
To be lifted high in Your hands.
Not to do as I please,
But to have the choice to do as I should.
Because my soul has to cling to something.
If the Son sets me free,
I shall be free indeed.
To see the open clear sky,
To be lifted high in Your hands.
Not to do as I please,
But to have the choice to do as I should.
Because my soul has to cling to something.
If the Son sets me free,
I shall be free indeed.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Theology 1
Are we saved by faith or works?
We are saved through faith that comes with works of faith which is given to us by God through grace. (Ephesians 2:8, James 2:24)
Salvation is not earned by works of the law(Romans 3:28), which can be defined as trying in our own efforts to live up to God's demand and standards of living through the Old Testament laws, regulations and commands. (Romans 7:13-25, 8:3, Galatians 3:10-12).
Hope this helps to clarify Ephesians 2:8 and James 2:24
We are saved through faith that comes with works of faith which is given to us by God through grace. (Ephesians 2:8, James 2:24)
Salvation is not earned by works of the law(Romans 3:28), which can be defined as trying in our own efforts to live up to God's demand and standards of living through the Old Testament laws, regulations and commands. (Romans 7:13-25, 8:3, Galatians 3:10-12).
Hope this helps to clarify Ephesians 2:8 and James 2:24
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Pondering
Why is my heart so wicked?
Choosing daily passionate lusts of the flesh.
I feel more sorry lying to my fellow men than to You, o God most high.
My prayers are dishonest. Trying to make a bargain with you, trying to belittle my sin.
Have I fallen so far from You, that Christ needs to be twice crucified?
May it not be so! For I would be a man to be pitied above all man, forever doomed with no hope of salvation.
So have mercy on me my Lord, will you still forgive me and let me abide?
Let me crawl back to the cross, as a hungry beggar in need of the bread of life.
For in this walk there is no trying. Only abiding in You, my truth, my way, my life.
Choosing daily passionate lusts of the flesh.
I feel more sorry lying to my fellow men than to You, o God most high.
My prayers are dishonest. Trying to make a bargain with you, trying to belittle my sin.
Have I fallen so far from You, that Christ needs to be twice crucified?
May it not be so! For I would be a man to be pitied above all man, forever doomed with no hope of salvation.
So have mercy on me my Lord, will you still forgive me and let me abide?
Let me crawl back to the cross, as a hungry beggar in need of the bread of life.
For in this walk there is no trying. Only abiding in You, my truth, my way, my life.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
God died
God has given his life to save you
You ungrateful fool
You, you who play the harlot
Going after worthless idols
Going after the wretched desires of your heart
You eat to your heart’s content
You wipe your mouth and say
I have done nothing wrong!
You are like a linen waistband
Hidden, rotten, good for nothing
Return o you fool
To the one who created you and saved you
Return,
To the only hope, the only fulfillment of your desires
Repent while your heart is still soft
For God high and mighty
Became a man meek and lowly
To save a wretch blind and haughty
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